Bad Movie Wednesday

Date watched: 5/13/20

Starring: Hugo Silva, Mario Casas, Pepón Nieto

Plot: A gang of armed robbers finds a safe haven in a secluded village crammed with witches–only to encounter the bizarre, the unexpected, and the occult. Can they save themselves, and the rest of the world from the next witch apocalypse? (From IMDB)

Rules:

• (none – we aren’t good at this)

Quotes:

• “Run Christ, for christ’s sake!”
• Where did you read that Ripley’s? No, World’s greatest mysteries
• If she’s alive… I don’t know. If she is dead… I still don’t know
• What is she doing with the broom? Not sweeping up, that’s for sure
• Excuse me but that really hurts. Then cry quietly
• I read in cosmopolitan that men are getting floppier and floppier
• How long does it take someone to burn? I don’t know, this is my first time
• I don’t want her to change, I like her the way she is: Feisty

Viewer Quotes:

• Frog Lube
• Ahh yes, comically large silverware…
• She is going to ride him like a broom
• Tig ol’ Bitties
• I just love how they dressed up that boy like a strawberry

Things we learned:

• Do not bring your child on a robbery
• Never use a gas station toilet
• Don’t leave behind your bag of gold rings
• Don’t piss off lawyers
• If you see a “naked piglet” on the side of the road, go back and get them
• Use your powers for school talent shows

Final Take:

Will we ever know what that last line was? (Note: the movie was in Spanish with English subtitles but the last line wasn’t translated). Witches are a very tight knit community. This was basically Shawn of the Dead but with witches.

Date watched: 5/6/20

Starring: Lindsay Hollister, Brendan Fletcher, Michael Paré, Clint Howard 

Plot: An action comedy centered on an overweight woman whose footsteps cause explosions and whose dual swords are used against anyone who makes fun of her. (From IMDB)

Rules:

• Any time they say “Blubberella”
• Any time they re-use footage

Quotes:

• I hope you aren’t standing too close to the TV, I call that my “splash zone”
• There is no place like Berlin
• The assault happened in Daylight — Daylight? Fuck my donkey
• Ring around the pussy! I love this game
• You should really be a stripper, that way you have a better chance of getting a sugar daddy
• Slutvana – Ask her about her group rate
• Would you put a dick in her mouth so she shuts up already?

Viewer Quotes:

• Did you see all the dildo’s in that bed?
• When were cotton candy machines invented?

Things we learned:

• The Drag Queen ad-lib’d everything

Final Take:

We had to stop 35 mins and 41 seconds into this movie due to technical issues with remote-watching (it’s worked multiple times before but tonight it was a no-go). I don’t think we missed much. It was more a combination of short random scenes than a movie…