Date watched: 7/14/21
Starring: Shannon Stockin, Ford Windstar, Steve Guynn
Plot: No plot (From IMDB)
Quotes:
- Wait, Sasquatch! Come back!
- Where’s your dildo, cop?
- Oh Jesus, I need this like a damn Billy Goat pecker going on top of my head.
- Hell, people see weird stuff like that in the clouds all the time! My grandma saw the devil jumping rope one time in the clouds!
- Never go swimming with bowlegged women.
- What the hell was that? — Ah, that’s Amazing.com. They deliver, I belong to the Pronto program so I get packages in four hours, and free streaming movies right to my phone. — What are you, the damn spokesperson for them or something?
- What happened to the Conan virus and social distancing? I’m gonna tell Governor Andy about this one.
Viewer Quotes:
- So this in in KY right? — Yep https://goo.gl/maps/gfgRZhk4kcwG1hU5A
- I’ve seen better produced porns…
- How many pairs of underwear does she have? — That’s the second dress she’s taken off? — Don’t invite her to strip poker.
- It’s discount Will Ferrell
- Girl, you don’t get paid by the hour…
- Why is this in KY, we aren’t known for our corn — Yeah, go to Ohio — Yeah, that’s just full of sharks…
- Oh man, you’ve got to get the most of out of that After Effects purchase
- That’s just a straw from Hardees! — That’s very specific — I know my fast food straws
- The kids are the best actors of the film so far
- “We close the damn corn fields.” — Close the corn fields? But it’s tourist season
- “I can feel what you have in there.” — Step 1 make hole in the briefcase? — Step 2 put a shark in the briefcase?
Things we learned:
- Don’t play hide and go strip in the corn field
- Jaws in 30 seconds was a better film than this
- We are never going to get these hours (1 hour 40 min)
- I feel like we were better off talking about Polly Pocket (pre-movie discussion)
Rule 34 Titles:
- Sharks in the Cornhole
- Sharks of the Porn
Final Take:
Bigfoot is real