Date watched: 7/21/21
Starring: Ernie Reyes Sr., Rob Schneider, Ernie Reyes Jr.
Plot: Two boys learn from a mysterious warrior that they are the heirs to the throne of Patusan and set out to overthrow the current monarchy. (From IMDB)
Quotes:
- Boy, those uniforms really give them a chameleon-like ability to blend in with their surroundings.
- You have no sense of duty or honor. — You have no sense of humor, ok?
- You’re not asian. — Oh, yeah? I’ve got 2 words to say to you. David Carradine in Kung Fu.
- Kill him! Kill them. [beep beep] hold on for a second. I’ve got call waiting. [Switches to second line] Yes? Kill them! Kill them immediately! [Switches back to the first line] Good. Now, where were we? Yes, kill them! Send more men to Los Angeles.
- How did you get those handcuffs off? — I had a key. — Where? We searched you. — I swallowed it last Tuesday. — Whoa. How’d you know you were going to need it? — I swallow it every Tuesday.
- Then we’ll go to the caves of Kwantzu, the caves of the ancients. — What’s there? — Your inheritance. — Money? — No… Something not even money can buy, The knives of Kwantzu. — Knives? — Oh, yeah. Seriously, that’s something money can’t buy, knives. Once I went to a cutlery store and said, “here’s $100,000. Can I buy a knife?” they said, “no, money can’t buy knives.” gee, I guess that’s why you hardly ever see any of them around. On the third day of the expedition, they came across a giant rubber plant. Unfortunately, they could not cut it down. For, as we know, money can’t buy knives. Walking around the plant, they continued on the shores of Patusan. — Is there no way we can shut this chattering monkey up? — You know, I’d cut him, but I don’t have a knife.
- As my first act as your king… I hereby dissolve the monarchy, give the government to its people, ’cause your destiny’s to be free! I mean, don’t get me wrong, cool headgear, I love the clothes and all, but… (pushed guy back down stairs) Like I was saying, as my future queen and I go off to take our SATs, remember, we’re all created equal. ’cause I was born into royalty, I’m no different from you. Put my face on a stamp, a 50-cent piece, and let’s call it a day. For now, my people, I’m out of here.
Viewer Quotes:
- “If he’s a great warrior, what about the kid here? — You’ll be a seer of visions. Close your eyes and tell me what you see. — I see you, leading thousands victoriously into battle and becoming a national hero. — Really? — Oh, my gosh! You’re wearing a dress! What’s this? Psych! What a bonehead.” — So it’s clear that’s going to happen before the end of this movie right? (Didn’t happen, failure of the writers)
- Damn, I hope that guy she pushed down the stairs wasn’t pregnant — (Guy gets pushed down the stairs again) — Must have been twins — (Guy gets pushed down the stairs again) — It was triplets! — I don’t have time for this to an octo-mom situation so it better be just triplets
Things we learned:
- Money can’t but Knives
- Ninja skills come from your genitals
Rule 34 Titles:
- Squirt Ninja
Final Take:
Money can’t but Knives