Date watched: 6/2/21
Starring: George Manley, Scott Frank, Holly Thorson
Plot: Someone is going medieval on Marla’s friends, brutally killing them one by one. When she tries to tell people what’s happening – a cursed medieval knight is on a rampage – no one believes her. She soon learns that she alone possesses the power to end the mayhem in a family heirloom – The Amulet of Thorns. (From IMDB)
Quotes:
- Whips, chains, and iron maiden is my Friday night
- That dude might love cock but his parties are legendary
- Guy pukes in sink — No wonder they called it the dark ages… savages! mumbled gibberish
- Said to the naked guy: We’d better get you inside before the dim but ever-present home owners association takes offense to your natural bearing, shall we say my room?
- Who art thy father? — Thou art, thou art!
- Set me free, I’m tired of walking though space
- Police at the crime scene: You want some pie? — Banana cream? — yeah
- Ahh, that’s vintage slut-wear
Viewer Quotes:
- “I know you’re not a slut, neither am I” — Audience Ehhhhhh
- I mean it’s all the dude’s fault, he went for the girl with mommy issues instead of the girl with daddy issues (said by a female watcher)
- Character reading out loud — Bitch, it’s a library, shut up
- He’s like ‘She’s a witch! She can read’
- That’s clearly only a flesh wound – 3 people at the same time
- Hear me out, instead of going back and reading only one sentence at a time maybe she should read it all at once
- Every time I see the bad guy I think it’s a discount Jamie from Mythbusters
- Surely he cannot harm such, generous tracks of land
- “Hurry there’s not much sand in the hourglass left” — Yeah, because the trial for their FX software is about to expire
- Gotta say, I wouldn’t have picked giant lightning rod for how this ended
Things we learned:
- Lose your virginity early to avoid being hunted for your purity
- No means no unless it doesn’t? We aren’t sure at the end
- Male baldness is more common than you expect
Rule 34 Titles:
- Dong of Knight
Final Take:
Don’t piss off David Bowie and then stand in a suit of armor during a storm