Date watched: 5/26/21
Starring: Ricky Flowers Jr., Motown Maurice, Donte Essien
Plot: A rap group on the verge of signing their first record deal is the city’s only hope in a battle with a giant mutating snake monster. (From IMDB)
Quotes:
- Get this motherfuckin’ snake off this motherfuckin’ plane!
- Stay cool under pressure. Stay cool under pressure. — Screw that, rookie! It’s raining snakes.
- That’s compound interest, bitch.
- Real cops don’t spit. Swallow that shit down.
- Well, I’ll be. Little white girl with an AK. How cute. Finish your damn ice cream. — (Black guy takes the gun) — All right, drop the gun, son. Drop the gun, son. Easy, easy, easy, drop the gun, son.
- You want real power, huh? You’ll be a crooked cop like me. — What? — Crooked cop like me… No, no, no, regular cop. — A regular cop… — A super, upstanding cop cop. — Super up… – You know what? Never mind.
- Say, friend, do you have any narcotics? — Of course I do. It’s why I’m homeless in the first place. — Yeah. — Addiction is ruining my life.
- I would prefer to not get eaten by a giant snake.
- Whatever you do, you treat it like your first piece of pussy, and you never let it go.
- Holds up hand with multiple missing fingers: Oh, God. I lost my watch!
- Hey, cop prostitute, yo. Take this to DJ Spliff, he fancies you sexually, girl. — I’m gonna break him in two like a motherfucker. — Snap him in half. You go, girl!
- Keep that ho behind that door! — Ho door. Ho door. Ho door. Ho door. Ho door. Ho door.
- Rutherford B. Hayes, 19th President of the United States?
- Rookie, if we had to fill out paperwork every time we shot an unarmed black man, we would never get to have any fun around here. Right, guys?
- I can’t wait for the day cops start cleaning up after their own fucking murders. — Dead body pops up: Betrayed! — Nope. Walks out
- I’m gonna deal with little Miss Anne Funk over here. — Anne Funk? — Yeah, it’s like a Jewish… you know, like Anne Frank, right? Except like some urban shit, like a urban twist to it.
- Shoots gun in air Hey, Cam, go get them! I got the bacon! Runs off as cops chase after
- Will you quit playing with yourself and shank that snake!
Viewer Quotes:
- “All this braggadocio and fornication.” — More like braggadouchio
- “The cops, they have real guns, and real training.” — Multiple people: Ehhhhhh…….
- “You think I’m scared of you? I done sucked dicks bigger than you, and they went crying home to their mama, too.” — Have I been doing blowjobs wrong my entire life?
- This movie is really a PSA for the operational security of quantum molecular growth hormones.
Things we learned:
- I don’t think we learned anything from this movie…
- You shouldn’t learn anything from this movie…
- Solve your problems with rap battles
Rule 34 Titles:
- Snake into Cunttown (Suggested by a female)
- Straight outta the Closet
Final Take:
Nasally: Did do thaaaaat?
