Date watched: 4/14/21
Starring: Jason Yachanin, Kate Graham, Allyson Sereboff
Plot: Zombified chickens attempt to kill the fast-food workers that cook them in a restaurant built on an ancient burial ground. (From IMDB)
Quotes:
- Gosh, Arbie, you’re the best dry humper in school! Ah, thanks Wendy, that’s what the guys on the basketball team say.
- What do we want? — For the evil devil-worshiping maggot conglomerates to cease the destruction of our beloved country and replacing our purple mountain majesties with corporate cookie-cutter retail spots! — When do we want it? — Now! Or at least within the next 3 years, through ending the minority class action share-holder lawsuits priority in Section 16b of the Securities and Exchange Act of 1932; so our contingency plaintiff lawyers can get us multi-million dollar settlements!
- You-you said you’d never change but-but here you are, just bumpin’ tacos!
- You see, Arbie, the same shit happened in Vietnam! The White Man thought the Yellow Man was turnin’ red, and so he sent the Black Man in to clean up his mess, Arbie!
- That chicken! The chicken has declared jihad on us all! Hm! That reminds me, I need to get a tampon.
- Arbie! How dare you let that priest nibble on my cock! What are you the Catholic Church?
- Guys! Guys! This is not a terrorist thing. And this not a sodomy thing. This is an angry chicken Indian spirit thing! — What? — And If we don’t find out a way to stop them, we’re all going to have mops shoved up our butts!
- Oh, it’s just like my ole’ Grand pappy used to say: Hey Junior! Get over here with them matches! “This cross ain’t goin’ to burn itself!”
- You know, they say you can tell the size of a cock by staring it down from its beak, all the way to its tail feathers.
- My soccer leg!
- Jambalaya! Crawdaddy! Po’ boy! Gumbo God dammit! — He’s turned into a ‘Blackened Cajun’ chicken!
- We need to figure out a way to keep them out! — But how? This place is 50% glass! They’ll break through faster than the 5 minutes it took me to turn Wendy into a full-blown lesbian! — Damn it! We need action before they turn the glass into lesbians!
- Paco, let’s go! — No, I’m staying. America isn’t ready to accept a gay Mexican, chicken sandwich!
- Oh Humus, I hope you get those 72 Virginians, because they are for lovers!
Viewer Quotes:
- WHY.
- Shitting yourself skinny
- When fucking a chicken carcass goes awry
- Now they choking the chicken
- America STILL isn’t ready for a gay Mexican, chicken sandwich!
Things we learned:
- This is the pinnacle of bad movies
- This is the best of the worst
- The line between a porn and a not-porn is made of chicken
Rule 34 Titles:
- Poultrygeist. Night of the Chicken Dead (pretty sure it was porn)
Final Take:
Don’t watch this movie, it’s finger-licking bad