Date watched: 2/17/20
Starring: Lauren Hutton, Jim Carrey, Karen Kopins
Plot: A vampire Countess needs to drink the blood of a virgin in order to keep her eternal beauty. It seems that all is hopeless, until she bumps into Mark Kendall. (From IMDB)
Quotes:
- Come on. I wouldn’t say nothing. Not if she got down on her knees and… pauses get’s hit by friends
- Are you a prostitute? — I’m whatever you want me to be. — Good, because I only have $5.
- Okay, Sebastian. Out of the closet. — Effeminate man exits the closet I came out of the closet centuries ago.
- We’ll be seeing each other again soon? — Yeah. I have a bit of a problem. — A problem? — Yeah. See, I’m sort of committed… to this really nice girl. — I don’t mind. I’ve often been the other woman. — That’s real unselfish of you. Tell you what, I’ll be in touch.
- Hands them ice cream Start your day off with a smile. — How sweet of you.
- On his friend’s T-shirt: “Freelance Gynecologist”
- I can’t believe you’ll throw away our relationship on a one-night stand… with a chauffeur and a butler and a slut who eats buttons.
- Father, forgive me, ’cause I think I might have sinned.
- I’m starting to freak out. You’re the only one I can turn to. What can I do? — Get yourself a shovel. You’re in deep shit.
- Who cares what those assholes think? What were they doing in the showers in the first place? — They were washing. We were enacting a prison rape scene.
- How would you like your crotch set on fire? — Ooo, Rough trade.
- Mark doesn’t want you, because you’re mean and evil. He wants me, because I’m nice and sweet and pure. So fuck off!
- Man smashes through door — Wait a minute! I have to replace every door you people smash. Can’t you at least try the knob first? — opens unlocked door
- I need a virgin! — Countess, don’t worry. There are other virgins out there. Somewhere, in places like Kansas… Nebraska.
Viewer Quotes:
- As someone that uses their phone in bed in the morning, I can get behind the TV in the coffin
- What an asshole pressuring his girlfriend…. Not going to lie, I’d do it in an ice cream trunk.
- “Do you have creamsicle?” — Haha, “creamsicle” — He’s going to give her his creamsicle 😏
- How about an angry hand job?
- Drink every time the title is said -> Once Bitten song plays: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0C3SV2ePGg
- To the girlfriend: Shantay, you stay — That was absolutely a lip-sync your life
- I sent Jim Carey a letter and he sent back a signed photo. The sad thing is I think I misplaced it. — I get that, I did the same with 100BTC — Yeah, it’s no signed photo of Jim Carry but I guess it’s the same 🤣
- She should have just hopped on while he was still strapped in
- They missed an opportunity to hide in the coffins
Things we learned:
- If you have sex, vampires won’t come for you
- Get stronger thread for your buttons
- If you get the opportunity, have sex in an ice cream truck
- Friends let friends look at their dicks, if you ask nicely
- To quote my mother: “sex is not a bad thing”
Final Take:
That was a bad title for the movie, it’s not once bitten, it’s thrice bitten. #DontJudgeAMovieByItsTitle