Date watched: 2/10/20
Starring: Kristen Riter, Matthew Goldsby, Jerry Belson
Plot: The seemingly tranquil waterways of Venice are terrorized by the perfect killing machine. In search of his father who has mysteriously disappeared diving in the city, David stumbles across the cryptic trail leading to the long-lost fortune of the Medici. As the unwitting pawn in a Mafia plot to recover the treasure, David’s girlfriend is kidnapped at gunpoint, plunging him into a desperate race against time. If he has any hope of saving her he must enter the deadly waters. Can David out-gun the Mafia assassins and survive the voracious sharks laying in wait beneath the surface, or will he succumb to the same fate as his father? (From IMDB)
Quotes:
- None…
Viewer Quotes:
- Quickly, think of an Italian name… Mario
- Italian hand emoji
- This seems like a budget Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey movie — K-mart blue light special
- It’s a well known that Marco Polo’s treasure is in Bulgaria (Original name of the movie was supposed to be Shark in Bulgaria) — No, no, Marco Polo’s treasure was the friends we made along the way
- So which one of these actors has the biggest tits? Because I think he’s winning
- (Multiple times throughout the movie): This is a different movie again (Oceans 11, Stand and Deliver, Indiana Jones, almost-“Deep Blue sea”, Mission Impossible, and ended with a ton of gunshots with very few people dying and the inflated boat surviving).
- Long conversation about a random topic tangentially related to the movie complete with drawings/discussion. I refuse to encourage this behavior so I won’t mention the topic.
- I think he may have violated the terms of his visa
- The dude with the hair got some sharks and put them in the water to keep people from diving, but then he needed something in Venice and a lot of people died diving for it, and then he died by his own sharks
- This reminds me of a bible verse: He who lives by the shark also dies by the shark
Things we learned:
- This movie was so bad they couldn’t even afford the SNL actors
- You can “go” anywhere with enough B-roll
Final Take:
Don’t go to Italy with a Baldwin