Date watched: 2/3/20
Starring: Kristen Riter, Matthew Goldsby, Jerry Belson
Plot: A serial killer with his signature heavy breathing proceeds to systematically kill the students and teachers of Lamab high school. (From IMDB)
Quotes:
- Listen, I forgot to give you the answers to that history question on the civil war. Now, just remember, the north won. — Oh, heavy.
- White text on the screen flashing “Unlocked” with an arrow pointed at the door
- Julie, you’re not responding to my maleness. She’s dead
- Where is that girl? — I hope she wasn’t murdered in our bed.
- Stop. How can you think of sex now? — I can never stop thinking about it. Funerals get me hot.
- Hey, man, that’s my parking space. Can’t you see I ‘m blind? — Hey, I’m more handicapped than you. I can’t even make love to a woman! — I can never find one! Now move it.
- Hey, that’s our parking spot. — Great physical beauty can be a handicap, too.
- Talking? During horse head bookends? Who was that? Sure, the girl. What have we here, Miss… “Shouldn’t be in the class anyway”?
- I have these saved up for the very first sign of wrinkles. — What is it, vitamin E? — Cyanide capsules. Death before disfigurement.
- Why do they always run away from me?
- Hasn’t there been enough senseless killing? Let’s have a murder that makes sense.
- Couldn’t you pick a better place? — I can’t help it. Hollow bulls get me hot.
- Ladies and gentlemen, in order to achieve an “R” rating today, a motion picture must contain full frontal nudity, graphic violence, or an explicit reference to the sex act. Since this film has none of those and since research has proven that “R”-rated films are by far the most popular with the movie-going public, the producers of this motion picture have asked me to take this opportunity to say fuck you.
- Instead of sending Toby directly to jail– — What? And let her pass go?
- The tissue gag – enough said
- Are you up for it? — I–I think so, Dr. Sigmund. — Please, don’t be so formal. Call me daddy.
- Today, we will discuss Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Who was Hamlet? — His dog. — His dog? — Wasn’t he a Great Dane?
- I still think the boys are being killed and then stuffed in the trash bags. — Not necessarily. It’s a well-known fact that if you put a male inside a 3-ply hefty bag, tightly tied at the top, they’ll suffocate in a matter of minutes. You can believe me. That’s how they were murdered.
- Come on, baby. Come on. — No. Al, let’s stop. It’s cold. All this garbage is falling. — The garbage gets me hot.
- Orders get me hot.
- Funerals get me hot.
- Hollow bulls get me hot.
- The garbage gets me hot.
- These horse heads make me hot.
- Boring gets me hot.
- No students leave the school grounds without filling out the proper forms. — But they’re dead. — If we make an exception for the dead, we have to make an exception for everyone!
- There’s an old Welsh saying “Dead men tell no tales, but they fart”
- What is all this? — It’s from the junior class play. They’re doing a nonmusical version of Grease. They couldn’t get the rights to the music.
- Mr. Peters! You’re naked! — Yes, Toby. All these years I’ve been secretly naked underneath my clothes.
- Hold still while I kill you. I’m an old woman with arthritis.
Viewer Quotes:
- Let me just take a shower in this other person’s house
- He hyperventilated and passed out — That’s one option… that’s the charitable option…
- Does this man not have a refractory period? — There is no refractory period for murder
- Drink whenever his shoe gets stuck in gum
- Has eggplant always been an euphemism for a dick?
- Drink, name of the movie
- So 1 fly is equal to 1/2 a human life?
- Is that a “Those that can. Do. Those that can’t. Teach” sign on the wall? Yes, yes it is
- “In 20 years, we only won one trophy. Ahh, the typing team really came through that year. — Typing team? — We retired the typewriter,” — (To person typing this blog): If you manage to get all the quotes from this movie you deserve to be head of the typing team
- It’s a very Airplane-eque type of movie
- Post-movie: I hate it when a podcast talking about a movie makes me watch it — Does podcast’s talking about it get you hot?
Things we learned:
- Sex kills
- Sex is bad?
- Sex is dirty and disgusting!
- Sex is yuck! — “Wait? Your father’s name is yuck”
- This deserves to be in the Bad Movie Night Hall of Fame
Final Take:
Watching that movie gets me hot