Date watched: 9/16/20
Starring: Rob Stefaniuk, Jessica Paré, Paul Anthony
Plot: A comedy centered on a rock ‘n’ roll band that will do anything to become famous. (From IMDB)
Quotes:
- I wanna dedicate this next song to all the lovely ladies in Rockin’ Roger’s rock ‘n’ roll past. And, ladies, if you’re burning and itching, you might wanna see a doctor – immediately.
- Montreal, land of Hugo’s birth. Many women will be very pleased to hear of my return. — Yeah, no matter how long you go away, you always come back. You’re like herpes. — Hugo’s not like herpes. — Hugo’s a lot like herpes. — No, he’s not. — Very similar.
- Let’s just face it, Joey. We’re both getting a little long in the tooth.
- Can we load the gear, please? — <Puts hand on Joey’s shoulder and says very calmly> Yes, Joey, /we/ can.
- This is why I broke up with her. — She dumped you. — <Third guy says> Yeah, for being an insensitive prick. Her words, not mine.
- Yeah, I know. Um… we hit a little snag. — You want money. — Why… why are you being like that? — You don’t want money? — Yeah, I want money, but there’s no reason to be cruel and weird about it. — I am not being cruel and weird. — Yeah, you are. You’re being cruel and weird, making me feel like total shit.
- Sorry, Tyler, I’m a little distracted about my girlfriend throwing a beer bottle at me. — I think it’s pretty safe to call her your ex-girlfriend now.
- We should all be afraid of darkness. — I’m afraid of spiders.
- Citizenship? — American. — What was the purpose of your trip to Canada? — Uh… yes… Hunting. — Any weapons in the vehicle, sir? — Oh, yeah, yeah, lots of weapons! — Welcome home.
- That’s quite a nosebleed (guy is covered in blood). You okay there, bud? — Εverything’s normal. — Good enough for me. Let’s go.
- This is Rockin’ Roger and you’re listening to KCOS. Touch yourself, touch your friends, but…don’t touch that dial.
- Oh, my God, you smell so good. — It’s about fucking time someone noticed. You know what? I taste really good, too. — Really? — Yeah. — You wanna meet Βaby Βeef? <She goes to her knees, we hear a scream, and we hard-cut to someone taking a bite of a sub sandwich>
- Where’d all that blood come from? — From the show. — You just left here clean and you come back covered in mystery blood. You wanna tell me what the fuck is going on?! — You’re stoned? Βye-bye. — What are we smoking?
- Nobody likes a judge! — Yeah, no one likes a vampire either.
- Dude, let me tell you what I’ve learned in my many, many travels: always use a condom, and never trust a goddamn vampire.
- And, dude, being famous ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. Can’t go to a movie, can’t go to a bar, cops arrest you, ask for your autograph. It’s bullshit.
- And you, you take Sam down with you? — Sam’s a big boy. — I don’t need people making my decisions. — Yeah, you do! You’re a drummer!
- How am I gonna look at myself in the mirror again? — You can’t. You’re a vampire. — <Third guy> Yeah, you just gotta suck it up.
- You just released a single. What is it? — It’s called Suck. — I’ve heard it. It does. Oh! Rockin’ Roger on the radio comin’ right to you live! — Did you just say our song sucked on the radio? — No! I said it on television! We’ve hidden the cameras. — What cameras? — Kids, you all have to lay off the drugs, okay?
- Yeah. I’m scared, all right?! You happy? — I am not happy. I am vampire. I’m only happy when something dies. — Is that supposed to make me feel better?
- Vampires are ultimately cool.
- Headline: Vampires eat Jones Brothers
- I will put us first, before everything else from now on. I promise. — Garbage? — I’ll take it out. — Toilet seat? — Down. — Sex? — From now on, you come first… in everything.
Viewer Quotes:
- Alice Cooper is actually an unscripted part — Is that for real? — No but tell me I’m lying… *1 minute late* Alice Cooper did provide all his own clothes (except for 1 outfit) because he knew they were on a limited budget
- “They totally suck” — Drink… — Yeah, I think that’s fair
- He got to Toronto pretty quickly and just walked into the club with a Maglite…
- I can’t read the signs — It doesn’t matter, it’s just that he is at a crossroads — The signs are: Fame and Obscurity and then on the other” Future and Past
- Oh, he is making a deal with the devil, never mind
- “Are you in a band? — Yeah. — Sweet! I used to play in a band! — Really? What kind of stuff did you — Takes me back. Rock on, dudes.” — The power of MUSIC! — The power of rock compels you!
- It took me a minute to realize that girl is “Megan Draper”, Don Draper’s second wife — I keep thinking of here as Liv Tyler lite — Budget friendly Liv Tyler — Blue light special Liv Tyler
- I’m a big fan of the rough/unexpected audio cuts **10 seconds later the audio picks right back up** Ok, that’s even better
- <Vampire stabs straw in guy’s neck and drinks it> — Damn it I thought we were past using straws — That’s why we use metal straws now
- (Re: Hugo)We’ve all seen What we do in the Shadows, we know how this ends
- With the pole dancing girls I said “I swear the one on the left looks like Paris Hilton” and I went to look it up and immediately wished I hadn’t googled “Is Paris Hilton in suck?”
- There are starving vampires in China, you finish your Iggy Pop!
- Ahh, BYOB…
- Do vampires have to be invited into another vampire’s houses?
Things we learned:
- Don’t go home with dandy pretty boy vampires and then not expect your whole band to end up as vampires with regret like 10 days later..
- Vampires are the ultimate cool.
- Sucks to suck
- Vampires appear to be rather common in the music industry
Final Take:
Maybe think more about turning yourself into a vampire… a lot of buyers remorse in this movie. Poor Hugo. When entering into a contract with a vampire request your immortality upfront.