Bad Movie Wednesday

Date watched: 6/24/20

Starring: Steven Brand, Kirsty Mitchell, Raoul Max Trujillo

Plot: A Native American owner of a kitschy roadside museum accidentally brings to life three dinosaur fossils. Now really annoyed, the giant dinos wreak havoc on the small town and the local university. (From IMDB)

Rules:

• Drink every time the accent is really bad (the British accent breaks through a lot)
• I think we give up on this section…

Quotes:

• “City” – Side of water tower
• “Fossil Museum” – Name of museum
• “He didn’t even want to be here” – “Oh, I know exactly where he wanted to be…”
• “Don’t worry, I have a comprehensive knowledge of all the predators in the area, we are completely safe”
• Nobody is going to mess with my jeep Rams raptor skeleton with Jeep
• Clean yourself off man, you stink! — No way man, this is like Dino-Off
• “State University” – Name of college
• Oh, Oh, who wants an RPG?
• What the hell is that thing? — It’s better if you don’t try to understand it

Viewer Quotes:

• Are we sure that guy isn’t from Eureka?
• The boy is crucified in a tree and they are like “oh, how did they get up there” and the girl is crumbled on the ground and they are like “Omg what happened to her?”
• Hello, I need 2 military’s please
• “Oh it’s actually ‘Stayton'” – “Did they misspell ‘State'”
• Wait, are we going to get a single Voltron dinosaur??
• The good news is we have reduced the number of dinosaurs…
• Shoooot HER, Shoooooot HEEEERRRR!
• You could say he has…. A bone to pick with her
• Oh, so that’s how electricity works…

Things we learned:

• You can make a whole movie about Native Americans with only British, Americans, and Irish actors
• #CulturalAppropriation at it’s best
• I’m not surprised that they are divorced and they should NOT rekindle that relationship.

Final Take:

I think there are more uncomfortably racist moments in this film than not. Watching a white British actor who can’t stay in-character (voice-wise) doing mock-Native-American chants with her Scottish dad is very uncomfortable.

Date watched: 6/17/20

Starring: Ryan Merriman, Perrey Reeves, Adam Hampton 

Plot: In the near future, 10 death row convicts are forced to compete in a virtual reality game that pits them against dinosaurs and each other. (From IMDB)

Rules:

• Reused footage

Quotes:

• You’re kind of a pussy aren’t you?

Viewer Quotes:

• So Jurassic park meets hunger games meets the amazing race?
• Monster Hunter VR but without weapons
• Is this a black mirror episode?
• This is what happens when you eat a tide pod (timestamp: 48:01)

Things we learned:

• VR die-in-game movies are great
• I wish the “Cavemen” were better fleshed out but decent ending

Final Take:

This is both a statement on our criminal justice system as well our society’s willingness to watch people suffer for their own entertainment… or it’s just a bad movie.

Date watched: 6/3/20

Starring: Sean Patrick Flanery, Stephen McHattie, Kristin Booth 

Plot: A small town is attack by ravens and doesn’t know why the ravens are working together. (From IMDB)

Rules:

• Every time they the same bird closeup footage
• Every time you see a redhead (Director must have had a thing…)
• Drink every time you say crow instead of raven

Quotes:

• (this was not a quotable movie)

Viewer Quotes:

• “He is issuing a stay at home order” – “Thanks, I just spit my drink all over my kitchen”
• “The ravens that are breaking the glass ceiling, are they male or female?” – “I have not been counting crows”
• “If a bunch of crows are trying to get on a Zoom call is it called an attempted murder?” – “Slow down your creative juices, I have to type all these out!” — “You know you have to add that now too?” — “Damn it”
• “This movie has a major fallacy because crows cannot catch mad cow disease, it passed through their digestive system” – “What about ravens?” – (30minutes later) “Actually it looks like ravens cannot get mad cow disease, all birds are immune”
• “Don’t worry about” (A staple comment at bad movie night)

Things we learned:

• Save your god damn dog asshole
• Crows are also held down by selective glass ceilings
• Making a sequel to the birds is hard
• This should have been named “When death comes kaw-ing”

Final Take:

Really could have used a few more good quotable lines. Literally not a single line from the movie was repeated by anyone watching. Overall probably one to skip as it’s a Sci-Fi original and just not really worth the time.