Bad Movie Wednesday

Date watched: 5/27/20

Starring: Paul McGann, James Corden, Mathew Horne, MyAnna Buring

Plot: Their women having been enslaved by the local pack of lesbian vampires thanks to an ancient curse, the remaining menfolk of a rural town send two hapless young lads out onto the moors as a sacrifice. (From IMDB)

Rules:

• When girls kiss
• Misogynist camera / The Breast Movie Experience

Quotes:

• And with that, he lopped her fucking head off
• A medieval gay bar
• She is much much more than your average vampire queen
• It’s your turn to go with the larger one
• Fuck this, run you bellends
• I reckon we are all going to die horribly, have a beer
• Even dead women’d sooner sleep with each other than get with me. Next it will be gay werewolves
• All we have to do is sit tight till morning, I mean it’s not like I’m going to say “Hey lesbian vampires, come into our cottage”… Oh shit
• It draws it’s power from the demon dildo (pronounced de-al-do)
• That’s my penis
• There is only one solution — The cock sword?
• Mate, that sword has a cock for a handle
• Sorry, you’re not my type
• Unbelievable, saved the day and not even a kiss
• Are you suggesting we become Lesbian Vampire Killers?

Viewer Quotes:

• What is Littlefinger doing here? (timestamp 42:40)
• Just to be clear, those are condoms filled with holy water? — That will never work. Have you seen the commercials, they can fill those will 2 gallons before they pop
• Alright Palpatine, calm down
• She stole queen Amidala’s wig
• It would almost be romantic if so many people hadn’t died — Don’t kink shame
• It feels so right in his hand

Things we learned:

• All witches gyrate the same way (coming from a recent watch of Witches and Bitches)
• While a sword would not normally be effective against a vampire I guess a dildo sword is against lesbian vampires.
• Lesbian vampires explode with jizz when they are killed.

Final Take:

Approved.